Different Ways To Submit

As I've seen a bit of a troubling trend, especially with those new to D/s and specifically the s-type side of things, I wanted to write an article that would go over the spectrum of the s-type and specifically the kinds of ways a submissive can possibly interact with the world of D/s.

Submission on a Spectrum

So much of what I see in the world now a day can fit perfectly into a spectrum. While on the surface level, there are submissives and slaves, there are also submissive 'archetypes' which define how a submissive might interface with their submission. In this article, we'll explore the different submissive archetypes and also be very clear about the differences between a BDSM slave and a submissive.

Opposite Ends and Things to Watch Out For

So, part of the impetus for the article this week, was finding out that a submissive was largely acting like a slave because she didn't know any other way of being and thought it was what "every other submissive was doing." So to that end I want to highlight some distinct differences between what a submissive experiences versus what a slave typically experiences.

A Submissive:

• Negotiates things with the Dominant
• Has Limits and they are respected
• Submits in every moment they are given a command, making an active choice to consent in any given moment
• Accepts their submission to a Dominant
• Is still a whole person, giving up areas of control to the Dominant
• Is claimed/owned by a Dominant
• Is allowed to choose a safe word to end a scene

A Slave:

• Can no longer negotiate with their Master or Mistress
• Unless otherwise negotiated before consent is given, a slave has no limits except for what the Master or Mistress imposes
• Gives their consent to slavery once, and must obey without fail after that consent is given
• Is essentially property to the Master or Mistress
• Is typically not allowed to sit on furniture at any time by their Master or Mistress
• Has consented to non-consent and must obey the whims of the Master or Mistress with no safe word, typically

I do want to stress, that the above bullet points are typical experiences and your mileage may vary in your own D/s. There is no absolute authority in BDSM, how you do your D/s is largely up to you. One thing I stress though, is being educated about BDSM and understanding what can be typically expected.

As time has gone on, there has been greater room for negotiation, but ultimately I feel that every relationship, whether starting from a point of Total Power Exchange (TPE) or from a reluctant submissive, naturally moves to a point where it can be difficult to distinguish a submissive from a slave. The longer one builds trust with their Dominant, the more submission they may be inspired to give them, up until the point that they rarely if ever say no to their Dominant, mainly because the Dominant and submissive have built a strong synergy with one another which allows that to take place.

What does that have to do with you though? If you're new to the lifestyle, you might think that being someone's slave, sexual or otherwise, sounds splendid. But there are many who take slavery in BDSM seriously. So if you see it as a fantasy, and not something you truly want to live. I'd suggest trying on submission before diving in fully to a Master/Mistress slave (M/s) relationship. At the end of the day, as I'll stress several times over, communication will be your best tool in a D/s relationship.

Comes in Assorted Flavors

Last but not least in this article, we'll talk about the different flavors of submission and how one might enjoy their submission from a view of submissive archetypes.

The Consensual Submissive

We'll start with the consensual submissive as our base archetype. A consensual submissive is akin to a foundational archetype upon which the rest of every other archetype will follow. In general, one who is simply a consensual submissive has no real peculiarities to their submission and simply wishes to please their dominant.

The Slave

As discussed earlier, on the extreme end of pure obedience, a slave desires to serve their Master or Mistress' whims. They could be part of several archetypes but their prime directive that drives many slaves is unyielding obedience to the one who Dominates them.

The Pet

One area of submission, that is a subset of kink is pet play. Many submissives that engage in this typically engage in one of three kinks: Pony Play, Puppy Play, Kitten (a.k.a. Neko) Play, or Piggy Play. Typically those who engage in this like wearing gear that is created for a human body, but meant to mimic the animal they are acting as. This can be horse tack in pony play, puppy or cat ears, a puppy shaped muzzle, a stub nose for a pig, even certain tails that one can wear. There are also some Dominants that call their submissive a pet, but don't engage in any pet play.

The Little

One might see the acronyms: DDlg, DDlb, MDlg, MDlb and wonder about those. They refer to Mommy or Daddy Dom/me's and their littles. Often in relationships like these, the Dominant takes on more of a parental role and nurtures the little side of the submissive. It is typically understood that the submissive, while acting youthful and engaging in youthful activities, are representing adults.

The Brat

Brats kind of run their own spectrum so to speak. There are the playful brats who are masochistic and bend but don't break their Dominants will to get a good pain session as 'punishment.' There are also stronger willed submissives that like to be snarky with their comments, but generally don't overdo it with their Dominant.

There is another definition for many though when it comes to the word Brat. While many don't have love for brats in general, as it takes a particular Dominant known as a "Brat Tamer" to often handle a brat, there are some "Brats" who's desire is to break their Dominant's rules. Ultimately this is known as "topping from the bottom" and is largely frowned upon by the BDSM community at large.

Conclusion

I hope that this article was informative and inspires you to research more about submission. Learning is and will continue to be a very important part of BDSM and I encourage you to seek all the knowledge you can as it pertains to how you wish to express your BDSM.