An Introduction to BDSM in Second Life

As a great follow up to our debut article Just what is BDSM?, I thought it would be good to give anyone new to the BDSM community inside of Second Life a more in depth article to cover a general overview of what you might experience and the depth of the spectrum that makes up the SL BDSM Community as a whole. I will also touch on considerations to keep in mind as you explore deeper within the BDSM community. As a brief introduction as to what will be covered in this article, I offer the following list:

• Sim/Parcel venue types and themes
• Types of BDSM practices one can experience
• BDSM roles that one can encounter
• A brief introduction to BDSM relationship types (and ones to consider being new)
• Where to find free or nearly free stuff to get started with

So with all of the above in mind, bear with me as I take you on a rather in depth introduction to the BDSM community in SL.

A Common Theme

The first thing I will always tell someone who is new to the community is something I will continually stress and that is consent and consent first thinking. If we forget that there is another living, breathing human being on the other side of that viewer; that is when real damage and hurt can happen. Also, as I said in the debut article, if someone enjoys what they do here in SL and want to explore more in RL, setting up good practices from the start is always recommended.

In light of that, understand that everything in BDSM starts and ends with consent. If you don't have consent and you do something to someone, especially on the SM side of things, that could end up being charged as assault in RL, and could at the very least, lose you a play partner inside of SL. We'll discuss consent more in depth in later articles.

Location is Everything

As with so much inside of SL, there's a flavor to meet everyone's needs and the BDSM community is no different. There's a lot of different venue styles, from implied consent "RLV Playgrounds," to formal "High Protocol" sims where the rules might be exhaustive. In this section, we'll give a high overview of the different sim styles and things to consider across all of them.

RLV Playgrounds and Consensual Non Consent (CNC) Sims

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Non-Consensual Themes

I've decided to start with a category of extreme venues. RLV Playgrounds usually share similar keywords and among them are the keywords: kidnapping and forced sex scenarios. Typically these fall under the banner of Consensual Non Consent (CNC). What that means, is either by signaling in your profile via picks or in the rules of the venue explicitly, that by turning on your RLV relay to auto and being present in the venue location, that you consent to activities brought upon you by other individuals in that venue. To that end, and I can't stress this enough, read.. the.. rules! Reading the rules applies at pretty much any BDSM venue, but with venues that actively promote a CNC or RLV kidnapping theme, knowing what the venue expects of you is doubly important. It could save you a lot of heartache.

With that out of the way, another important thing to have is either a limits pick or a limits notecard. I won't get into limits in depth here, but the general idea is: if something that you think about doing or being done to you makes you recoil in discomfort or disgust, it's probably a limit. If someone tells you they have "no limits," my favorite thing to do is to casually ask them, "Oh? So that means you have no problem if I surgically remove your arm?" They typically say, "Oh hell no!" after which, I happily inform them, "Then you have limits." If someone hears that question and says "Go Ahead" instead, you might have an extreme play individual on your hands. So, using one's judgment is always the best for these situations. But typically speaking, if nothing less, there should be at least one limit on everyone's list and that's anything that violates Linden Lab's Terms of Service. Another thing to keep in mind is that limits apply on either side of the slash. Dominants can have limits, just as submissives do.

So, what can you expect at an RLV Playground? If you accept the rules and allow yourself to be a "victim" for RLV contraptions (meaning you consent to capture and have turned your RLV Relay on to 'Auto' mode), that you can be captured and may have many different scenes or scenarios leveraged against you. Or on the other hand, if you're the captor, you can find willing victims and so long as they consent, you can do what you desire so long as it's within the limits of the individual. Individuals will run the gamut from full emoting immersion, to folks who might have one hand distracted (if you catch the drift) while they switch you between different poses. It can be an interesting introduction to RLV which we'll cover in depth in a later article.

BDSM Dance Clubs

BDSM Dance Clubs come in many different flavors to be honest. As folks who participate in BDSM come from all walks of life you will see a lot of different BDSM dance clubs. Cisgender, Transgender, Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Inclusive, Maledom, Femdom, Dom/me and sub, Master/Mistress and slave, the potential combinations are endless. As with the RLV playgrounds, reading up on the rules is always a good idea so you know what the expectations are going into things. Typically though, beyond basic BDSM etiquette, most of these venues will more often than not be "low protocol" and relaxed.

Gorean and other Literary based venues

John Norman's Gor series, Anne Desclos' Story of O, Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel series. If a book series that features BDSM is well received, you can be certain there is likely a venue that caters to those themes. In venue's like this, the rules and safety precautions can vary wildly from venue to venue. So if you haven't guessed what I'm about to say next (I'm going to be a broken record by the time I'm done...), read the venue rules and information to make sure how to engage at these sims. Given that I've highlighted three book series, I'll go over these ones specifically below and how you might find them inside of SL.

Another thing to keep in mind before we begin to explain the various venues below, is that while some may apply RL BDSM practices to their venues, many of the venues described in this section do partake in role play (RP). To contrast, I’m not talking about kinky roleplay like a Boss and secretary or things like that. Instead, I’m referring to when the individuals take on entirely different personas, which could potentially cloud the RL practices. So be sure you are prepared to handle those scenarios if they come up.

Gorean Venues

One of the larger and more popular BDSM subcultures within SL are the Gorean venues. These venues are based on the writings of author John Norman, who envisioned an alien planet where women are more often than not slaves to the Gorean Masters. These venues do focus heavily on the Master/slave dynamic and also are heavily focused on sexual service and high protocol performances such as tea and dinner services and other forms of submission that pleases the Master. While there are some venues that stray from the hallmarks of the books, you'll find more often than not that the focus is more Maledom themes as presented in the book. If this type of setting appeals to you, but perhaps not the Maledom aspects, there are a few venues that do allow Mistresses. While reading the books isn't necessary to engage in Gorean venues, it doesn't hurt to be educated about some of the lore and expected salutations.

Story of O Venues

Trigger Warning: Forced Sexual Themes The next book series is Anne Desclos' Story of O which focuses on the submission of a female Parisian photographer simply known as O. Her lover, René, brings her to an elite club at the Chateau du Roissy where she is trained to submit to the Masters of the Chateau. The book features themes of Sadomasochism, Forced Sexual Servitude, and strict training regimens. As with the Gorean series, this book is focused strongly on Maledom.

Inside of SL though, you'll find that many of the Story of O venues are very accepting of all walks of life. As always, check in on the information and the rules to see if it would be a fit for you. While many RL BDSM considerations do take place at these venues, it's always good to keep in mind that they are formed from fictional stories. If you're willing to suspend a bit of disbelief, a Story of O venue could be right up your alley.

Kushiel Series Venues

Lastly, we have the stories of Jacqueline Carey who wrote the Kushiel series of books which includes Kushiel's Dart as the first book in the series. While this series is quite expansive in the themes it explores, it has a focus on sadomasochism and different courtesan houses which ply their trades. Of interest to the BDSM community are the houses of Mandrake and Valerian which are the Dominant and submissive courtesan houses. Carey's writings are very thoughtful, promoting the ideals of "Love as Thou Wilt" and a favorite quote: "That which yields, is not always weak."

As with so much, if you like a book series, always check to see if a venue exists. There might be one to suit your needs.

Educational BDSM Communities

Much like the other venues previously mentioned, educational BDSM communities can come in many different flavors. The typical idea with a lot of these sims though is that they want to bring a RL approach to BDSM within SL and give their community members a strong foundation to go forth and practice BDSM responsibly and ethically with others.

Typically speaking, it can be hard to sift through the countless parcels that use the BDSM keyword, but these gems do exist. The only thing I would caution is to always seek secondary opinions. I will always do my best to strive for accuracy and impartiality in my articles. If something doesn't seem 'right', look it up on Google or something similar. Reddit and other websites are great resources for communal information as well. There are also several websites which are amazing to use for information such as: Bad Girls Bible, SubmissiveGuide.com, Kinkly.com, and LovingBDSM.net are among some that I use frequently.

High Protocol Venues

Last but not least, on the list of potential venues that one might encounter are what are known as "High Protocol" venues. Inside of these venues, protocol ("rules, rituals, and procedures in BDSM") is the order of the day. There are some venues that welcome those new to the lifestyle, but with these particular venues.. you might guess what is coming: it's imperative to read the rules. Understanding protocol, especially in a high protocol venue, is essential to success. As to what these venues might offer will depend highly on the vision of the venue owner. Some are formed around dance, others are formed around service orientations. If high structure might be something you enjoy though, they're a venue style definitely worth checking out.

BDSM Venues Conclusion

While this list is not exhaustive by any means, it does offer a glimpse into the various "flavors" that make up the BDSM venues within SL. I hope it's helped you learn a bit as you explore deeper in SL.

Many Ways To Accomplish A Task

There's a lot of ways that one can interact with the BDSM community. It is often said that at the heart of submission, is a service minded orientation. I agree with that mentality. Sexual service, domestic service, living art, human furniture, personal assistants, and other roles await a submissive potentially. Beyond that though, outside of the D/s elements of service orientation, there are other ways to interact with the BDSM community.

As was mentioned in the debut article, BDSM focuses on four elements: Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. There are individuals who focus on Bondage solely, not incorporating any D/s elements. There are also folks who enjoy the edgier side of Sadomasochism. Often there are a lot of misconceptions as some people see signs of Sadomasochistic play and think that abuse is taking place. Therefore, I will always remind you as my reader, that BDSM is a consent first framework. If consent is active and not appearing to be coerced, if sadomasochistic play isn't your thing, just let them be. You never know when someone could be into play that you don't enjoy, so being tolerant goes a long way.

Who's on first? BDSM Edition

As the header to this section might suggest, we're going to talk about titles and roles here within the BDSM community. There are almost as many titles as there are kinks in BDSM. As such, it's good to know what means what. For non-D/s BDSM, there are typically two common roles: Top and Bottom. A top is the person delivering the desired activity, and the bottom is the one receiving that activity. That can apply to any kink within the BDSM umbrella: bondage, rope play, sadomasochism play, or a great number of other kinks. Another role someone in BDSM might take is that of a Switch. As I am a switch personally, we will have deeper articles on it in the future but for now, a switch is someone who can be both Dominant and submissive.

Moving beyond those initial terms, we have our Dominant titles and submissive (s-type) roles. There's a title and role for every flavor of Dominance and submission. I'm going to list the most common titles and roles that you might experience as you explore the various BDSM venues:

Dominant Titles

• Master/Mistress - This is typically (not always though) used to acknowledge an s-type's collar owner. There are certain venues though that encourage the elevation of this title as a mark of respect. So your mileage may vary depending on where you go.
• Sir/Miss - This is a relaxed title that s-types can use to refer to a Dominant directly or in third person.
• Dom/Domme - Another way to refer to a Dominant by both Dominants and submissives alike.
• Daddy/Mommy - Titles typically for Dominants that engage in the Daddy Dom/Mommy Domme and little girl/little boy dynamics. Though some baby girl style submissives call their Dominant Daddy or Mommy too.
• Lord/Lady - Titles that can be used in place of Sir/Miss, typically in more formal environments.
• Goddess, Domina & Madame - Variations for referring to a female Dominant that some may wish to be called.

Submissive Roles

• Submissive - The foundation upon which all of the other submissive roles rely. This is the individual that gives their power to the Dominant in exchange for the Dominant's control.
• Slave - A progression of deeper submission than the foundational submissive, a BDSM slave has given their explicit consent up front and is expected to follow their Master or Mistress' commands without fail.
• Pet - A submissive that typically engages in pet play: Pony Play, Puppy Play, Cat Play. I have seen some get called pet by their owners though and have no interest in the aforementioned kinks, so your mileage may vary.
• Little - A submissive who expresses their submission by taking on a younger persona. As a reminder, this is not to be misconstrued with LL's definition of age play.
• Brat - This type of submissive can be a contentious one within the BDSM community. These submissives prefer to challenge their Dominants and do things to earn punishments or attention from their Dominant. While this dynamic doesn't work for every Dominant, ones who take up the mantle known as "Brat Tamers" take on bratty submissives and tend to have a successful and fulfilling dynamic.

BDSM Relationships, A Brief Introduction

Another area to understand, now that we've talked about venue types and BDSM roles and titles, are the different ways a BDSM relationship can express itself as compared to vanilla relationships. Personally I consider there to be three levels of a BDSM relationship:

• Play/Scene Relationships - These relationships as the name suggests, last for a scene. They thrive on the hallmarks of negotiation and consent and are a great way for someone new to the community to experience BDSM and Dominance and submission themes.
• Temporary Relationships - These relationships are temporary in nature and anecdotally last anywhere between a few days, for a mini BDSM vacation, to longer periods of time, as might be needed for training or some agreed upon length of time. The hallmark of these kinds of relationships though, is that they have a pre-determined end.
• Full-Time Relationships - As the name suggests, full-time relationships are exactly that. They can vary depending on the roles the Dominant and submissive take. They can also vary in the level of commitment. In later articles we'll talk about different levels of collars and their significance. Generally speaking though, when someone refers to the "lifestyle," this level of commitment can be the one most commonly viewed as relating to that term inside of SL.

Where to Find Free Gear!

Last but not least, no introduction to BDSM inside SL would be complete without letting you know where you can find free gear to help your explorations inside of SL.

OpenCollar

One of the premiere open source BDSM collar systems, OpenCollar's scripts can be found in a myriad of different collars inside of SL. They have a lot of free accessories, and some group exclusives at their in world location. You can visit it here: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/KBar%20West/28/80/1202

Marketplace

The SL Marketplace is a treasure trove of free gifts if you happen to know where to look. To help in that search, try using combination keywords like "Collar and Gift" or "Leash and Gift" or even, "BDSM and Gift." You'll have to filter out the demo items, but the rest should be free, or nearly free items you can add to your BDSM collection.

In World at Venues

Some venues get commissions for free gear to sponsor their sim, or enter in partnerships with others to offer free gear to their patrons. So be on the lookout for things like that with various venues.

Conclusion

I know this was a rather lengthy article, but I really wanted to encompass a general overview of everything that is offered inside of SL and the various expressions that are available. While I know this article is not exhaustive, nor did I intend it to be from the start, I hope it gives you enough if you are curious to get out and do your own exploration. If you happened to read this article and are old hat to the BDSM community in SL, I hope that it offered a new or different view that maybe you hadn't yet considered. Until next time, thank you for your time as always!